Knights In Dysfunctional Armor
by UniversalOverlordess
Summary: They looked at each other, smiled, and their world turned upside down. First up: Snow White...or Shuichi White.


UO: I am soooo evil...These are my versions of the Disney Princess stories. Have fun!

Disclaimer: I don't own the princesses or gravitation. Damn.

* * *

Not long ago, in a universe parallel to this one, there lived a downtrodden, yet lovely little prince by the name of Shuichi White. He had the most amazing pink hair that shone in the sun, and beautiful amethyst eyes, which always sparkled, even in sadness.

But the most remarkable thing about this beautiful prince was his voice. He had a wondrous, melodic voice which, for inexplicable reasons, seemed to charm animals and people alike. He was dearly loved by all…

All, that is, except for the evil Drama Queen of Fairytale Heights. _His _name was Tohma, and because Shuichi White was so much better looking, sounding, and liked than him, he had decided to usurp the throne and dress the poor prince in rags to hide his beauty.

Still, the beautiful boy was optimistic, and spent his days singing happily despite the work that had been forced upon him by the tyrannical new Drama Queen, and dreaming of the handsome prince who would one day come to rescue him.

Never, in his wildest imagination, had he thought that his dethronement would turn out to be such a _wonderful _thing.

Apparently, the Evil Queen had a brother-in-law, who was a handsome prince. He was aloof and cold, at best, but still…Shuichi White was _incredibly _gorgeous, and his voice had soon ensnared this brother-in-law, who had stopped by to drop off the Evil Drama Queen's wife.

And, of course, their unborn child. But it was a package deal, after all. Prince Eiri was a practical man, despite his current…ensnarement. Yeah.

As Shuichi White whistled a happy tune…wait, scratch that. Wrong universe.

As Shuichi White smiled while singing (and cleaning the steps, because although they were outside the castle and therefore unable to get clean, the Evil Queen had designated that task), Prince Eiri's only thoughts were, "He's beautiful…I think I love him."

Oh, and there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind, yapping about how poor this song was, but that was irrelevant. Shuichi White _was _the fairest of the land, after all. And he had a killer set of pipes.

Suddenly, the prince stopped cleaning and singing (though he didn't lose his smile), and looked up to see the dashing Prince Eiri staring at him. He let out a surprised, 'Oh!' and ran into his room in the castle.

He had been provided with a room; otherwise, he would've run away from Fairytale Heights and the Evil Queen wouldn't have had a minion.

In short, it would've all been very tragic.

But let's turn our attention back to our two princes, shall we?

In a sudden burst of inspiration, Shuichi White peered through his lavish curtains and blushed. This new prince (and he certainly was charming) needed something to remember him by! But what?

A kiss! Perfect! But…he was simply too shy to rush down again and just _kiss _the dashing young man. After all, that would've led to a huge make out scene, and the drooling fangirls would completely miss the point of this story.

Nevertheless, Prince Eiri deserved a kiss. And a kiss he would have! Summoning a dove with his beautiful voice, Shuichi White kissed the bird on the beak, and it delivered the kiss to a slightly stunned Prince Eiri. After all, the dove wasn't _trained._

Then…it was a sign of True Love!

But poor Prince Eiri…he had a whole kingdom to run, and he left quickly. Take the captivating Shuichi White with him? Impossible! He hadn't even met the dwarves yet!

Meanwhile, the Evil Queen was in his chambers, seething. He did _not _want his wife, _or _his unborn child! He wanted to be _beautiful, _so he could win over that dashing prince! Propriety and social norms? Pah! He was _King. _He could do whatever he liked.

Chanting the age-old spell while wearing his Magic Pimp-Hat and looking into the mirror, Tohma found himself facing the strange fortune-teller who randomly lived inside the mirror, and served only the Evil Drama Queen of Fairytale Heights.

"What is it you wish to know, My Queen?"

If Tohma had been more observant, he would've realized the almost impatient tone in the mirror-dweller's voice. But he wasn't, and he didn't. He was only slightly irritated at the way the fortune-teller constantly referred to him as 'My Queen,' even though the last Queen who had ruled was long dead by now.

"Magic Pimp-Hat, do your part, Tell the truth about my heart. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"

The Man in the Magic Mirror (he rather liked the sound of that) was infinitely tired of humoring the Drama Queen.

"Alas, My Queen, your beauty is known of throughout the whole of Fairytale Heights. But there is another, someone whose beauty far surpasses that of thee."

Tohma frowned. Regally, of course, because as King, he couldn't afford to do any less. "And who _is _this unfortunate creature?"

"Lips nude as a baby's bottom…hair pink as bubblegum…eyes of amethyst…"

The Evil Queen hissed. "Shuichi White!"

And so begins the not-so-tragic tale of Shuichi White.

* * *

When K had been given this assignment, he had been a little surprised. Shuichi White? Dead? It was hard to fight off his happiness at the prospect of hunting a human, but he did it for poor little Shuichi White's sake. He loved Shuichi White. _Everyone _loved Shuichi White.

Except, apparently, the Evil Queen.

K always had to snigger at the unofficial title. _Officially, _everyone called him King Tohma. But no one ever really _meant _that.

He simply _had _to save Shuichi White. So, he concocted an ingenious plot. He would _pretend _to shoot Shuichi White's brains out, while he would shoot a _pig's _brains out instead. Or a random passerby who actually _liked _the Evil Queen. He didn't much like pig's meat, anyway.

Not that he was a cannibal, but still.

He didn't want to seem like he was in a hurry as he made his way towards the place where Shuichi White was currently singing and smiling and cleaning. So, to seem less conspicuous, he began to talk to everyone he met on the street. There, that should seem less conspicuous. After about…who knows how long, after all, they didn't tell time in this universe, K reached Shuichi White. Shuichi White smiled at him. "Why hello K! How are you?"

"I'm fine, just fine, and I'm not trying to seem less conspicuous! Let's go for a walk and while we are walking you can pick some flowers to give to me for doing this for you."

Shuichi White frowned. It didn't suit him. "What do you mean? You aren't making any sense." But K didn't answer him and soon both men found themselves waking on a hill with many flowers.

Doing what K had said, Shuichi White began to pick flowers, singing and smiling while he did so. When his back was turned, K walked towards him, his hand behind his back. K _had_ to save Shuichi White. He had to. It was during this moment that Shuichi White turned around. "I hope you like roses…" He glanced at K's hand, which was above his head. In his hand was a knife. Yes, a knife. Very un-K-like but they didn't have guns at this time. Idiots.

"K…what are you doing?"

K put his hand down. "I'm saving you. You need to run. Run and get as far away as you can. King Touma told me to kill you."

Shuichi White gasped. "Why would he want me killed? I've done everything he's asked me to do!"

K sighed. "I don't know I was just given the orders to kill you. Now go. Go!"

Shuichi White took K's advice and ran. He ran into the forest and didn't turn back. It was only then did he remember that he forgot to thank K for saving him. _Oh well. I'll thank him when I return to Fairytale Heights. If I go back…_

The forest was scary. The trees looked like monsters. The leaves looked like monsters. The ground looked like a monster. The bush looked like a donut. What? It really did! But Shuichi White didn't turn back. He couldn't turn back. He'd left his previous life behind. If he did turn back he would be killed. Hmm…tough decision. Stay and be terrified, or go back and die. It didn't take long to figure out which one he'd choose.

Taking a deep breath, the beautiful boy charged deeper into the forest. He pushed through the branches and the bushes that looked like donuts and continued on his way. It wasn't until he shirt got caught on a branch did he fall to the ground and stop. Tears spilled from his eyes and he pulled his legs up to him. "Why did this happen to me? Why didn't the dashing prince take me with him? Why?"

Why indeed. That was what Prince Eiri was thinking at the exact same time. Talk about a coincidence. But he's not important right now.

Shuichi White took a few more sobs before looking at his surroundings. Animals from the forest were gathered around him. "Oh!"

The animals scattered. Shuichi White called them back. "Oh wait! Please don't go! I won't hurt you."

The animals returned. It's amazing that they could understand Shuichi White. But Shuichi White didn't press it. "Do you know where I could stay?"

The animals nodded. Shuichi White smiled. "Can you show me?"

Again, a nod. Wow, those animals sure were smart!

Following the animals, Shuichi White began to sing with a smile. It wasn't a long walk and soon he arrived at a house. It was a very small house but it looked homey. "I wonder if anybody lives here." Shuichi White wondered aloud. He knocked. No one answered.

He knocked again. No one answered. "Oh! The door is unlocked! Let's go in!" Yes. It's okay for Shuichi White to break and enter. He's a _prince_…well, he _was_ a prince. But that doesn't matter. When he got inside, he gasped. The house was filthy. "Let's clean it up for them. Alright?"

The animals nodded. So, Shuichi White and the animals started cleaning the house.

Meanwhile,

"Hiro, is this a good one?"

"Yeah Suguru. It is. How's it going Riku?"

"…"

"Yeah, I thought so. Maiko?"

"Good! Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright! Let's go back to our filthy and amazingly empty home!"

* * *

Shuichi White was tired. So, he chose to sleep on the comfy beds that were on the second level. He fell asleep immediately, not caring that the owners of the house were well on their way.

* * *

"I'm _tired_."

"I know that Suguru. We are almost ho…"

"What is it Hiro?"

"The door is open, and the lights are on."

"An intruder!"

"Yeah…Let's get 'im!"

"CHARGE!!!"

* * *

Shuichi White awoke when he heard whispering. _What is going on? _Opening his eyes he saw four little creatures staring at him….Wait. _ Four_?

He stared at them. "Aren't there supposed to be _seven _of you?"

The one with red hair shrugged. "Yeah, about that. The auditions were horrible so UniversalOverlordess decided to cut the other three dwarves."

Shuichi White smiled. "Okay then." He cleared his throat. "Oh! You must be the owners that live here! I hope it's okay that I'm staying in your beds."

The girl gasped. "You're Shuichi White!"

Shuichi White nodded.

The boy with green hair folded his arms. "Why are you in our home anyway?"

Shuichi White gasped. "Oh! That's right. I haven't explained the situation."

And so he did. When he was done the four dwarves were in shock. "Why would the King do such a thing? That's just awful!"

The girl nodded. "I know! What do you think Suguru?"

The green-haired boy, Suguru, nodded. "I agree. Shuichi White should stay with us! Right Hiro?"

Hiro, the redhead, nodded. "Yes! Shuichi White will stay with us!"

The other boy nodded. Hiro smiled. "This is Riku. He doesn't talk…at all."

Shuichi White smiled. "Nice to meet you. And I hope that you will forgive my intrusion."

"No problem. Just make yourself at home."

And so Shuichi White did make himself at home. He did for a long time.

* * *

Touma was mad. K hadn't killed Shuichi White. Instead he's killed a pig. And if Shuichi White was alive, Touma would be second fairest person in all of Fairytale Heights. And that wasn't acceptable.

Snickering, the Evil Queen opened the secret door to his Evil Lab. He would get rid of Shuichi White himself. Smirking regally, he began to make a poisonous pocky stick. Shuichi White's favorite.

Then, he'd have to make up a disguise. An old beggar? Yes. Shuichi White has too soft and nice for his own good. It would be perfect. Taking the pocky stick, the Evil Queen made for the river. He'd found the location of Shuichi White from his magic mirror. He was staying with the four dwarves.

Touma gave out a laugh. "Goodbye Shuichi White. Don't worry. I'll take care of your precious Prince Eiri."

* * *

Shuichi White was currently picking up the mess from breakfast. He'd never been the best cook but he knew how to pick up. Suguru's birthday was tomorrow and Shuichi White wanted it to be the best one ever. But he was missing a desert. Pocky sticks would be good, but where could he get those?

"Go away you evil thing! Go away!"

Shuichi White looked out the window and gasped. An old man was being pecked to death by a robin. Running out the door he pulled the man inside. "I am so sorry about that. Normally that bird is very nice. Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man, aka Touma, nodded. "I'm selling pocky sticks to earn some money. My granddaughter is sick you see, and I need money to go and visit her. Would you like to buy a stick?"

Shuichi White nodded. This was perfect! The old man took out a stick and handed it to Shuichi White. "Here. This one is on the house. You did save my life you know. Go on, eat it."

Shuichi White took the stick. It was strawberry, his favorite. Taking a bite, he felt something weird. "Is it supposed to make you feel…dizzy?" His vision went blurry and he fell to the ground. He was dead.

The animals outside the window turned and began to run towards the place where the dwarves were currently at. They had to save Shuichi White.

* * *

The Evil Old Man laughed. Finally! Shuichi White was dead, and he was the fairest in all of Fairytale Heights! He would get Prince Eiri! But, first things first, he had to leave the scene. He turned and staggered out of the house. He made his way towards the cliff that he had to go over to get to Prince Eiri's kingdom. Touma didn't expect to see anyone following him. But the dwarves were on his tale. How did they know what happened? Touma looked up and saw the robin perched on the redheaded dwarfs shoulder. Stupid bird.

Touma began to hurry up the cliff as fast as he could. When would this dumb potion wear off? When he reached the top he gave a yell of joy. Now, to get rid of the dwarves. He pushed a big branch under a giant rock and pushed. The rock moved towards the dwarves. But something went wrong. The branch broke and the rock went tumbling backwards. Touma fell with it. As he hit the ground, the potion wore off. Well, at least he'd die the fairest in all of Fairytale Heights.

* * *

The dwarves had laid Shuichi White in a coffin of glass. Everyone deserved to see the boy's beauty. And that included Prince Eiri. He'd been traveling to find his beloved. And when he heard the news that the boy was dead, he had to see for himself.

It was horrible to see Shuichi White in the coffin. Walking forward, he placed his bouquet on the boy's chest and leaned down to kiss Shuichi White's soft yet cold lips.

Shuichi White's eyes flew open. "I'm NOT dead!" He exclaimed happily. Prince Eiri smile, and kiss the boy again.

True Love prevailed once again.

* * *

UO: well la de da de da. True love? They never really spoke to eachother...but, this was a good way to vent my anger. Go ahead and be mean. I can take it.  



End file.
